First post

So I hang out with my grandmother. A lot. Usually it consists of eating and fucking napping and fucking turning off the oxygen so she can smoke. But I've decided we are about to wile the fuck out!! Every Monday we are going to go do something fun. Today is the first Monday funday. Hope y'all enjoy reading this fucking shit.

So Bradley's Country Store is this stupid fucking local shit that everybody loves to talk about. Oh its so quaint!, they say. Oh, look at the fucking sugar cane mill!, they say. Let's sit on the fucking porch and play checkers!, they say. Think Cracker Barrel but for fucking real, only without the fucking Andy Griffith VHS tapes for sale. And no biscuits and gravy. You drive and drive and drive some crazy fucking amount, like 11 miles or some such shit, approximately 40 cigarettes worth of miles and then you arrive at a dilapidated old shack of a fucking place. Do they have wheelchair ramps? Fuck no. Do they have wide aisles so people's walkers can fit down them without threatening to break $8 jars of fig fucking preserves even though I think that only 1/10 of their clientele are under 110 years old? Fuck no. Do they have the best pork products that money can buy? Fuck yeah! The sausage and fucking ham are really what it's all about. And that's why I will always take MawMaw to Bradley's. Well that and she gives me my fucking cut of smoked sausage.  So we load up three pigs worth of fucking meat into the van and head back into town. We are famished like no one's business. We decide on Applebee's, which MawMaw will tell you roughly 100 fucking times that my cousin Morgan when she was little would always call applebeebees. At this point I'm just ready to be some where smoking is not allowed because even though I fucking smoke it in no way compares to the dedication MawMaw shows to the habit. She has something akin to a fat asian child's  daily pack allowance. We order (bacon fucking cheeseburger for me and soup&salad for her) and we discuss life. Do you know how hogs head cheese is made? I fucking do now, which by the way is not really appetizing at all, nor is it really cheese. Why,do you wonder, do they keep it so damn cold in these places?  I guess they just hate old people, MawMaw, and want them to fucking freeze. Do you think we have time for a cigarette? No, we don't have time for a fucking smoke! Dinner arrives thankfully, and we commence to chowing down. This raises our body temp at least three degrees and I don't have to go to the van for a fucking blanket.  Full to the brim on fucking brownie bites which we had for dessert, we ride off into the fucking sunset. Naps were fucking needed and who knows how bad the weather channel  fucking missed being watched for that fucking long.
I wonder what we'll do next fucking week....